Sometimes grief is the fastest way to truth

BY ANONYMOUS

 

Sometimes grief is the fastest road to truth.

When the light leaves. The Shadows appear.

In the shadows your eyes play tricks on you.

They distort time.

If only I had more……….

TIME.

 

But in the shadows, time is indifferent to grief.

One day. A week. Months……

YEARS.

Time doesn’t bother with sympathy cards.

It’s easy to be angry with time.

When we feel joy.  Time is short lived.

But when we are in the depths of despair. Time never seems to ………..

END.

Joy is just easier to carry than sorrow.

But carry it you must.  A heavy heart is hard to hold.

 

We measure time in light years.

It should be the dark years.

Sometimes grief is the fastest road to truth.

Befriend the darkness. Hold it close. Be kind to it. Speak to it.

Speak your truth even though sometimes it’s hard for others to hear.

I solemnly do swear to tell the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth.

 

I spent most of last year trying to find how I could live in the shadows.

Loss can be felt in 1000 different ways.

Death by 1000 cuts.

But to understand. To really understand, there is only one way.

You need to feel it first.

We are not very good at feeling.

We avoid, we dismiss, we distract, we blame and do whatever we can to not feel the…..

PAIN.

But in doing so we lose sight of the key.

To really see in the dark first we must really…..

SEE.

Saying I see.  I see you.  I want to hear you. Come tell ……..

ME.

I swear to tell the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth.

 

So today I speak my truth.

I called out in the darkness.

Did what I tell others to do.

Talk. Get help.

Few listened. Even fewer really listened.

Some took over the conversation and wore my grief as if it was their own.

Professionals told me I was doing a good job as if it was a performance review.

Some well meaning, but misguided told me to focus more on myself and not others.

I was so sick of focusing on myself. I literally made myself ill.

Take pills. Do more. Be more…………..

MINDFULL.

I needed to be less.

In the stripping back. In the…………

s  l  o  w  i  n  g   down.

My eyes began to adjust to the low levels of light.

I developed night vision.

A blessing when you lay awake at 3am.

 

So, what got me through?

Ironically ……

TIME.

A dog. Nature. Running. Poetry.

A few dear friends. Helping others. The kindness of strangers.

My Tuesday Night Trivia team who have become my gardening guru’s.

When they noticed my garden, like me was messy and full of weeds.

They came and cut my grass and weeded my……..

HEART.

 

So now when people ask. How are you?

I swear to tell the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth.

I’m OK. Better. But I still have days when I question this life and think sometimes it would be easier to…….

Not because I want to die but because each time, I say it, it shifts time.

It makes time for a conversation.  A real conversation.

About truth. The dark and light. The shadow plays.

This world needs those who know how to sit in the dark.

To find a tunnel with no light at the end of it.

To hold it close and reflect that, sometimes grief is the fastest way to truth.

In that space, time and love never have to …………..

END.